Dream a Little Dream

Last night, I had a very strange dream. I was making a documentary of stories of my family. I was interviewing each person and intended to make a film of them telling about themselves. My grandparents and parents were there and so were others. However, my attention was needed somewhere so I made them watch a documentary of the 1960's that was controversial and which I knew they would find objectionable.

My idea was that they would see the gritty, truthful documentary and then understand that they needed to be more transparent and real, not giving the Jesus-shined version of family folklore, but tell the truest truth.

I knew that they would be up in arms with the content of the free love film, but I saw on my mother's face a look I had never seen before: she understood. She got it. Her expression was one that said, "I know I need to step outside of my usual constructs and just tell the damn truth."

And then I woke up. It was over. Her expression faded and truth was gone.

It never ceases to amaze me how much parental content I have in my unconscious. It's as if their entire job, especially my mother, was to jam pack my psyche with bullshit that would take me a dozen lifetimes to uncrate. Their work was flawlessly executed for amateurs.

The origin of the dream is undoubtedly a package from my mother that arrived at Christmas. It sits unopened and completely mocking by my barren tree. Here is my thought about it - they do not get to have it both ways. They do not get the right to gift me and then check something off in their minds that they made they effort.

They already have their gift - it is the gift of thinking that they're superior and right. That supersedes all relationships, just being right. No real need for any mind-expanding Aquarian documentary on the necessity of transparency. It would do no good whatsoever.

I will mail their gift back. Or maybe I won't. I don't know. I know that there will never be a documentary of family film where people own up to things and take responsibility and see things differently so random packages are of little consequence. Just the stuff of dreams.