On Josh and Stacy - Heavy Shit

I hit a super-size-me combo yesterday: Josh and Stacy.

I've talked about them before, these two shaman, but just a review - Stacy is my therapist and Josh is my brand-spanking-new life coach. I am working on the same issue "heavy shit" issue with each of them: my weight. God how I hate being fat.

I have put on 35 of the 60 pounds I lost. Again. I can feel totally accomplished and competent but my weight can still make me blush - hot faced and humiliated - when someone says something about it. I usually try and give it a preemptive strike with some self-deprecating remark about my gut or being the size of a Buick or some other such self-perpetrated violence.

Stop. Stop it. Stop.

So this is a quest for the next 90 days and here is how I am going to do it:

First, I am enlisting all of the supports I can - the two balcony people Josh and Stacy, the support of a group, the structure of Weight Watchers, and a toe-dip into mindfulness.

Second, I am putting myself in charge of my eating. I love food. I am fortunate to love food that is good for me. I like it all - lentils and kale and sprouts and tofu and every other mindful thing. So make that shit.

Third, by November 1, 2013 I will add some form of exercise. 10 minutes a day - that's it. Just 10.

Finally, I will write about it. Every. Single. Day. I will write about it here. Some days I may only have a sentence or two, some days I may blog vomit until I can't even stand it myself.

Two important things came from Batman (Stacy) and Robin (Josh):

After complaining to Stacy that everything is "demanding" she said, "No, it's not." Basically the reframe is that things are demanding because I believe them to be. Again, stop it. She also said that nothing is on my plate - both literally and figuratively - that I cannot handle. Okay okay.

Josh was right on top of it. He was so affirming and gentle. He helped me talk through the action and the goal of leanness. He helped me visualize the product - a specific suit on a specific day. Clearly, I cannot manifest this vision if I am drawing negative fatness energy to me. So, stop it.

I believe I have the skills, knowledge and will to do this. I will allow myself time to accomplish this goal and know that on December 16, 2013 I will be presenting a major project to the state in a stunning chocolate suit that is already hanging in my closet.

Thanks, dynamic duo (who by the way are not even ambiguously gay!).