The best thing about my blog - and probably the best thing about me - is that it IS - I AM - a bit dark. However, most days my humor and general zestiness collar the black dog with a ravishing fuchsia leash. I have always been able to see the hilariously absurd in situations that would otherwise be without any possibility of survival.
I haven't written because I have lacked focus. I have been lensing everything else in my sphere of existence and spent very little time on introspection. I've just had too much to do.
And if I hadn't had too much to do, I probably would have created something just to divert my attention from all things interior. Sometimes, it's just too much.
My father used to say, "boy, you're a 220 wire in a 110 world". He's right - although he had and has no real understanding of what that means. And for the past few months, introspection would have been like wading through a puddle bisected by a downed power line. Electrifying, but not necessarily in a good way.
Dating has been completely unproductive. I had a torrid bout with a screaming male borderline - a crazy-rapid undulating of love me/hate me bullshit that was diagnosable in its intensity. I can't tolerate that - I almost projectile vomited him out of my driveway and my life at 4 am. Plus, he dissed my dog.
That kind of leaves me untethered right now. I have decided that I value autonomy and low acuity drama more than the idea of a relationship. I have great things in my life - great career, great friends, great home, and so much else. So why mess with the things that are working?
The remainder of this year, through the holidays, I want to redirect, reorganize, regroup. I need to relax and enjoy the intensity of my job, experience the peace of my home, and manage the many moods that come with family and holidays. I would like to go into the new year and my next birthday with a refocused perspective and hopefully some new direction. Maybe my new blog buddy can loan me some wisdom.
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