My grandmother was a Nazarene pastor's wife for more than six decades. There is a lot to say about that and those posts are still formulating in my skull. Too early, I suppose, to really talk about it. I loved her.
But I can talk about men. The departure of the BF was appropriate. There's really not a lot to say other than he was too young, too confined, too unready to be in a relationship. I don't blame him, I wonder if I was either. I miss his fun and his sense of humor and his love of song talking and inside jokes. But I gained tons of storage space so it was about a wash.
Meh.
What it does however, is catapult me into the dating scene. Gay men dating is a mishmash of sweat and tragedy. Most first "dates" are hook ups and most hook ups aren't first dates. Not that I mind getting in touch with my inner skank - I'm almost always a sure thing - but at some point, there has to be some way to narrow the field.
Here's what I've had so far (names have been changed because in some cases I don't remember them.)
1) Pedro. Nice Mexican guy about my age. Passionate and attentive, he was a surprising connection. I liked his sense of family (at first) and he seemed to want something qualitative. We went out about two weeks. This being my first initiation into seeing a Latin man more than once, I was bowled over by his intense interest - something that quite frankly was less than available with the BF. The interest became a bit intense rather quickly however. I know it shows my total whiteness, but I don't think I have the constitution for a full-blooded Latino. Perhaps if he had been cross bred with say, a Presbyterian, I could have managed. As it was, his crushing attention was more than I needed and I chucked him like a wet pinata.
2) Tony. Met online, chatted. Some mutual interests - both Catholic, musical, and he seemed smart. A tad reticent but he was some sort of left-brained hacker or something so that's to be expected. Okay, let's meet for lunch. The reality of Tony was significantly different from his grainy pictures (shock) by about 10 years and 50 pounds. That often happens in online dating situations. I, however, ascribe to the entirely OPPOSITE philosophy: Honest weight plus 10 pounds and crappy pictures. I'd much rather have them be pleasantly surprised than run screaming.
So back to Tony. Turns out he's VERY conservative Catholic. I also noticed that his license plates said "4FAIRTX". So I inquired. Apparently, that is the cornerstone doctrine of the Tea Party. Now gays have tea parties all the time but this kind refers to the gun-toting bailiwick of Sarah Palin and her ilk. Uhmmm....no.
But, wait for it.....wait for it....IT GET'S WEIRDER. He says, "yeah, I thought the political thing would be a deal breaker. It was when we talked two years ago." Apparently, in a conversation that was less than memorable we had conversed before.
"Do you know how creepy that is that you didn't mention that we had talked before?" I queried.
Buh bye.
3) Psychologist guy. Nice, attractive, smart. Obviously similar career interests. Mid-bang he asserts that perhaps he isn't gay. That was new. It seems Dr. Freud has some psychosexual biz to manage. Nope.
Okay, you get the idea. There have been more - shags mostly - but nothing even remotely interesting. So I turned to my academic training, hoping that application of more empirical methods would bring me, if not success, then at least understanding.
I am considering this period to be a meta-analysis of available dudes. I will survey widely, noting habitats and habits, endearments and annoyances, and dump them into a data funnel to be distilled until my husband drops out. Certainly, even through just sheer volume, eventually the unwashed hordes will be cooked down, reduced to something palatable and ultimately partner material.
I am refining the data so at least all is not lost. This is hardly a randomized trial, however. There are some (and really only some) criteria to be admitted to the study.
1) No one under 35. No one under 40 is preferable but I will enroll those between 35 and 40 if they are mature and/or hot.
2) No one over 80. I've decided to stretch the upper limits of the life span - having learned my lesson for over-fishing the waters of junior high in my last two relationships.
That's about it really. A mustache would be nice, but that is of course an optional accessory that could be added at a later date. For now, however, I will continue to serially matriculate potentials - until I find someone interesting or at least tolerable.
